I learned this mind-set growing up. Last year this time, we were in
Gatlinburg. Or last month at this time, my cousin Holly was still here
for the summer. I realized today that I haven't played this game yet
with Trinity and her life. I've been so caught up in her loss, that I
forgot. I'm glad I forgot. But what the heck.
Last week at this time, I was deluding myself with her health. A
week ago Tuesday, she had a seizure. I came home and she didn't come
out of the bedroom. That was not abnormal, so I didn't panic. Then I
heard a whimper come from the bedroom. It's the only whimper I've ever
heard her make. I found her on my bedroom floor, having a seizure. She
had pee'd on the carpet. I moved her away from it, so she wouldn't lay
it. Then she didn't get up. She didn't get up for 3 hours. I called
Jon and told him he would probably have to come to my house in the
morning and carry her to my car for me. I laid down next to her a lot
and cried. I begged her to get up. I told her if she wanted to live,
then she needed to get up. I went to bed late, and shortly thereafter,
she stood up and walked. I was thrilled. Beyond words.
So let's continue the game. A month ago, she was not my Trinity at
all. Even further away from the one I said good-bye to on Saturday.
Something had gone wrong with the medicine or her brain. She wouldn't
look at me. I felt like I had lost her already.
Two months ago, she was in a semi-normal state, after her "trinity"
of seizures. She was shaking my hand, licking me in the face (with
horrible breath), jumping up on the bed, and walking okay. She wasn't
normal, but she wasn't too far off. I could live with the new Trinity
she had become.
Three months ago, I believe, she had her first seizure. Jon and I
think it was a heat stroke. She had it on one of the hottest days of
the summer. I was so relieved to hear he had stopped it. I was in
Alaska on a cruise.
Four months ago, she was my Trinity! I think Kahlan may have been
living with us still. She and Kahlan played very well together. I was
extremely impressed with how gentle she was with her daughter. She
would wrestle with Kahlan, sometimes knocking her down and sometimes
allowing herself to be turned over on her back. Kahlan was fairly
serious about the whole thing, but Trinity only gently bit at her legs
and mouthed her neck.
Five months ago....
Six months ago she was going to bite
Tessa. I was so angry with her. I made her pay for that. She ruined
Tessa's show career by putting a notch in her ear. She wasn't allow to
go to Jon's for three weeks, which meant she got very little exercise. I
feel so terrible over that. It was my fault for not holding the leash
tight enough. It was my fault that she could lunge at all. It was her
hormone's fault for causing her to lash out in aggression. Her
hormone's were all over the place from the spay.
Seven months ago, she had just been spayed. I spayed her because I
didn't want to take the chance that she would develop a life-threatening
uteran infection. I didn't want her to have anymore puppies, because
she wasn't the best with child birth and had developed a mammary gland
infection with her last litter. I also hated the bleeding in the house
when she was in season. I think the spay was too hard on her. I'll
never spay an older female again. I'll take the chance on the infection
and deal with it the best I can. She was never the same after the
spay. Her coat became overly thick and she couldn't blow it. Her
emotions were all over the place. Really laid back, then suddenly
aggressive. She wasn't the same. I liked her personality just fine
before.
Eight months ago, her last litter of puppies were going home. I was
in San Diego. I desperately wanted the long haired puppy, but I wanted
a show puppy too. I miss Bella, but I am glad she has a perfect home
in Boulder. I wish I could move in :)
Nine months ago, it was the new year. I had just returned from
Christmas in Ohio. We didn't spend her last Christmas together. But we
did spend New Years :)
Ten months ago, Trinity was almost ready
to have her last litter of puppies. It was her easiest litter to birth
and her first litter with Ronin. He was the first dog to breed her
naturally. The whole thing was natural. I loved it. Every moment of
it. Each and every one of those puppies were special to the core.
Eleven months ago, she was getting ready to turn six. I was
panicking. I felt like she was getting old and I couldn't imagine my
life without her. At first I counted wrong and thought she was getting
ready to turn seven. I was relieved when I realized she would only be
six. I would have at least four to five good years with her. I hoped
she would live to be thirteen or fourteen. One of those lucky few.
Because then I would have as many years left as I had already spent with
her.
Twelve months ago, she was bred naturally for the first time. What a long ways we've come.
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