Losing again

Last night I lost my 6 year old German Shepherd to Bloat.  Words cannot express how much I will miss her and how surreal the whole situation has been.

Intuition.  I should have listened to it.  When she threw up for the first time and was all hunched up, I should have known.  When I started to think to myself, "maybe she is pregnant somehow" (with the way that she blew up over the course of the evening), I should have known.  When she was wandering around and off into the darkness like an animal that is waiting to die...I should have known.  Intuition.  I have a lot of it, but I have turned that valve for some reason.

Last night I left the vet's office with no intuition.  I thought she would be good as new by morning and that I would be $4000.00 lighter.  The phone call within an hour and a half of leaving the office (because they made it sound like there was no problem), to recommend Euthanasia was crushing.

I fell asleep crying and woke up several times in the middle of the night like that.

Somewhere around dawn, I had a very real dream.  Mira was in my bedroom.  The entire room was lit up as though I had more lamps than I actually do.  My Mira came to me.

She walked around the corner of my bed and I greeted her as I always do.  I scratched under her chin and lifted her chin up to look into my eyes.  "Mira, I thought you had died.  I am so glad you didn't.  I am so glad you are here.  Thank you, Mira" I said to her as I wrapped my arms around her neck.  Of course it was just a dream.  But I thank her for coming to me one last time.  I will miss her the rest of my life. 

She has taught me a lesson about the phrase "going to".  We were "going to" compete in Rally.  I was "going to" start training her on Monday.  She was "going to" eventually compete in obedience.  "Going to". 

I miss her in one way or another every day.  Wish she was still here.  Hope that I did the right thing.  But today, my "Trinity" thought, came to me via Mira.  Mira is my 5 year old German Shepherd.  When Trinity was alive, I used to wonder what each of them did during the day while I was at work.  Trinity must have been in the bedroom writing a memoir or solving the world's energy crisis.  Mira was probably sleeping in a pile of tennis balls in the living room, twitching with dreams of chasing them.  I never really thought Mira was that bright.  Just loveable.  Trinity was the genius.

But my opinion of Mira has changed.  On Sunday, she was one of a few dogs to pass the herding instinct test at Valdamar Farms.  I was impressed to watch her figure out a technique and see the sheep as a group.  I didn't even know what she was supposed to be doing.

Today, I took her for a walk down in Golden.  I taught her how to heel at my side.  There are definitely things to work on, but her precision in turning to the right is amazing.  Her confidence and trust in me as a handler, when other dogs pass, is incredible.  She is happy to be praised and happy to work well.  I don't know if she's a genius or not.  I don't need her to be.  The smile she put on my face today and last Sunday is enough for me.  Love you Mira :) 

Mira's new-new favorite game!

Mira Playing Fetch

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