Watershed Moment

I do not know where my life is going right now.  I wake up depressed about that every morning.  Every morning, I wake up sad that I live alone and am not married and do not have children and I do not know where that man is; my future husband.  Except when we were in Estes Park, or I was in Gatlinburg, or I was in Marble this past weekend, I wake up alone and without purpose.

I want purpose in my life.  You do not see the purpose in going up to the North and South Platte river and standing thigh deep in the water with a 5 month old German Shepherd splashing around and crawling up on a rock with me.  You don't see the purpose of how that 5 month old shepherd is the closest thing I have to a baby right now and how he draws out my natural nurturing instinct.  You do not see me looking up at you on the river bank; not in my world.  You do not hear me ask you whether you would like to take off your shoes and socks and dip your feet in the water.  You don't hear the gentleness in which I say that you don't have to get in; just let your feet rest.  You are separate from me and the water, and the pup is the only thing that connects us. 

You do not see when I am standing in the water that in that exact moment the curtains are not drawn on my bedroom window and I can see myself floating down that river in a tube with good friends and a family and smiling and knowing I am exactly where I know I should be.  You do not see that it is exactly where I want to be.  It is the beginning of seeing the plan for my life.  You think in this free-spirited state that I do not think.

Living in the Now: 8/14/2012

This is becoming difficult.  I think I will have to start reminding myself "This is a pleasurable experience" rather than trying to reflect the following day.  From what I remember:

1.) Cleaning and tossing.  I started cleaning yesterday evening.  Major cleaning.  I've felt like I was living in a huge laundry pile for the past few weeks.  And starting Monday, with the big Wii give-away, I began the process of sorting through what I really need.  Last night I realized that a few things that were unnecessary.  I threw out some things and set others aside to give-away.  All aspects of my house look better and I feel so much more peaceful in my house

2.) While I was cleaning, I ran across some important journals from my time when I was speaking with a therapist and life-coach.  It was insightful and fun to read what was important to me 5 years ago.  Some of these items are still important to me.  A few of the items that made me smile:

1.) become a dog handler (check)
2.) teach Trinity to be more social.  It was always a work in progress :)

Savoring a normal experience:

Sitting on the floor with the dogs.  When I came to their level, they automatically started interacting with me.  Before they were sleeping.  Kahlan came over and jammed her head into the space between my armpit and where I was sitting on the carpet.  She flipped herself over and enjoyed being petted.  Mira brought me a peace offering in the form of a ball.

Also, looking at the statistics for my blog, I am especially happy by the "repeat visits" that I occassionally see in the logs.  While I don't know their origin, Council Bluffs Iowa, Dayton, Ohio, Boulder, Colorado, and California come to mind.  I appreciate your anonymous browsing.

Living in the Now 08/06/2012

I am reading a book by Dr. Henry Cloud called The Law of Happiness:  How Spiritual Wisdom and Modern Science Can Change Your Life.  An exercise that he reccomends is savor two pleasurable experiences each day and take a few moments to relish a normal experience.

Yesterday was a hard day.  It was filled with anger and doubt.  Anger with myself for standing still for so long.  Doubt on how to move forward, even though I know what part of it is.  And I know that it will probably cause me pain.

But in my quest for a Happy life, which I am decidedly not living at the moment, I want to begin these exercises.  I have hope that it can change the way that I think.

Pleasurable Experiences:
1.)  Geocaching.  This was fun because it made me excited about where I am.  I was happy and content to explore the area that I had chosen.  I investigated new places that I wouldn't have otherwise.  For instance, I took some time to walk around a chapel that I had seen from the highway for years.

2.)  The sound of a high school marching band in the distance.  It gave me this picture of community, and how the students were practicing together for a common goal.  How their participation in this group hopefully led to greater satisfaction at school, since they would find friends within this group.

Oh look at this!  I am recalling a third memorable pleasurable experience.  I didn't even know there was one.

3.)  The sound of children screaming and playing on a playground in the distance.  In the dusky light, I could see them swinging high on the swing set.  So high that they were screaming in delight or fear.  I am not sure which.  It was a powerful emotion either way.  In my mind's eye, I could see them gathering.  Sitting around shooting the bull.  Or chasing each other on the equipment.  I imagined many of them.

Relishing a normal experience:

In retrospect I am relishing this.  Petting my dog mira as we lay on the bed ready for sleep.  She is so sweet and looks at me with the most sorrowful and trusting eyes. 

I miss her in one way or another every day.  Wish she was still here.  Hope that I did the right thing.  But today, my "Trinity" thought, came to me via Mira.  Mira is my 5 year old German Shepherd.  When Trinity was alive, I used to wonder what each of them did during the day while I was at work.  Trinity must have been in the bedroom writing a memoir or solving the world's energy crisis.  Mira was probably sleeping in a pile of tennis balls in the living room, twitching with dreams of chasing them.  I never really thought Mira was that bright.  Just loveable.  Trinity was the genius.

But my opinion of Mira has changed.  On Sunday, she was one of a few dogs to pass the herding instinct test at Valdamar Farms.  I was impressed to watch her figure out a technique and see the sheep as a group.  I didn't even know what she was supposed to be doing.

Today, I took her for a walk down in Golden.  I taught her how to heel at my side.  There are definitely things to work on, but her precision in turning to the right is amazing.  Her confidence and trust in me as a handler, when other dogs pass, is incredible.  She is happy to be praised and happy to work well.  I don't know if she's a genius or not.  I don't need her to be.  The smile she put on my face today and last Sunday is enough for me.  Love you Mira :) 

Rain @ 5 months

I attended an Obedience/Rally A.K.C. event at the Jefferson county fairgrounds yesterday. Jon brought Rain along to further her exposure to new situations. As it turned out, we had to sit on the side lines at the event because non-competing dogs are not supposed to be on the premise.

Afterward, we took Rain down to Golden. We visited the Golden Farmer's Market, took a little dip in Clear Creek, and ate some lunch up town.

Rain is getting big!

Took Rain shopping one afternoon early in July. She quickly wore out, so I attempted to carry her. She cooperated, but it was like carrying around a 40lb sack. She's heavy! Ironically enough, rained while we were out shopping.

Mira on a July 4th Hike in Evergreen

4th of July Hike with Mira in Evergreen

Mira sniffing some wildflowers, trail side.

Mira chilling out under a tree. It was really HOT up there that day. Since when are the mountains warm?

The canvas of nature really has her stuff down

Lisa & Sampson

Sampson doesn't like to show professionally, but he has excellent conformation.

Sampson is Rain's Daddy

Sampson reminds me of a big teddy bear. He loves to cuddle!

Crystal Creek's Rainy Day

Trinity's pup....text to come

Crystal Creek's Rain

A fun photo of Rain

A plush coat, not mommy's long coat

Trinity's Puppy: Crystal Creek's Rain

11 weeks old

Mira's new-new favorite game!

Mira Playing Fetch

Click the image to view the full web album!

In the Backyard

My grandfather built this shed when he moved to the property in the late 1940's. My Dad and his family lived in it until my grandfather finished building the main house. I never knew this, but before the main house was built, Dad said the family would take a 20-30 gallon trash can over to "Beaver creek" and fill it up for their drinking water. The can sat in the little house and served as their potable water for the week.

Trinity returning from her morning patrol in the back of the property

Trinity looks inside the back door, hoping to escape the mid-day humidity.

A picture of the house from the south side of my parent's property.

Trinity in the Morning

She wakes up early in the morning. Eats her breakfast.

Rolls around in the wet grass. Scares up some game...

Waits for her Pappaw (my Dad) to come outside for his morning coffee

Sometimes tries to get in a lick of his coffee cup, but mostly just sits at a distance and admires him:)