He was a gift I was able to resist. He was my ex-husband re-packaged.
While it's hard to believe another potential man is gone, wrapped up in another relationship, in another way it's a relief to realize that I resisted something that was very enticing, but not right for me.
He lived in a place that I wanted to live. He made lots of money (at least he alluded to this). He was friendly and seemed to have a large external network. He played "host" on many occasions. He was technical. He was living with tragedy in his life. He enjoyed playing. I wanted all of these. But I couldn't fall in love with him just to have them. I needed to be in love with him, to share them.
But on occasions I heard echos of my ex-husband in him. I felt pressure to be with him. From him. And I wanted to. Yet I hadn't developed a physical attraction to him yet. It felt like a dating relationship would be imbalanced. There was neither a physical nor emotional bond, yet he wanted me to date. I put up a boundary and said that I couldn't. For several reasons I couldn't. If I had taken down that boundary, I think we would both be miserable now. Even if there was something that could have been right, that would have been wrong.
Maybe he was on the right track though. As far as the dating thing is concerned. Maybe I should just stay single until the right guy shows up. That way, I would be healed from anything in my past. Or it wouldn't be in my face as it is now.
