Last night I lost my 6 year old German Shepherd to Bloat. Words cannot express how much I will miss her and how surreal the whole situation has been.
Intuition. I should have listened to it. When she threw up for the first time and was all hunched up, I should have known. When I started to think to myself, "maybe she is pregnant somehow" (with the way that she blew up over the course of the evening), I should have known. When she was wandering around and off into the darkness like an animal that is waiting to die...I should have known. Intuition. I have a lot of it, but I have turned that valve for some reason.
Last night I left the vet's office with no intuition. I thought she would be good as new by morning and that I would be $4000.00 lighter. The phone call within an hour and a half of leaving the office (because they made it sound like there was no problem), to recommend Euthanasia was crushing.
I fell asleep crying and woke up several times in the middle of the night like that.
Somewhere around dawn, I had a very real dream. Mira was in my bedroom. The entire room was lit up as though I had more lamps than I actually do. My Mira came to me.
She walked around the corner of my bed and I greeted her as I always do. I scratched under her chin and lifted her chin up to look into my eyes. "Mira, I thought you had died. I am so glad you didn't. I am so glad you are here. Thank you, Mira" I said to her as I wrapped my arms around her neck. Of course it was just a dream. But I thank her for coming to me one last time. I will miss her the rest of my life.
She has taught me a lesson about the phrase "going to". We were "going to" compete in Rally. I was "going to" start training her on Monday. She was "going to" eventually compete in obedience. "Going to".
