Saturday, April 28, 2007

"Unless we are willing to escape into sentimentality or fantasy, often the best we can do with catastrophes, even our own, is to find out exactly what happend and restore some of the missing parts---hopefully, even the arch to the sky."
For the past year and a half, this is the exercise I have tried to devote myself to. When it comes to the catastrophe of my marriage, I try to avoid sentimentality or fantasy, because they kept me from onfronting the crisis that was my marriage. I imagined a different person than my husband was, how people would reject me for leaving him if it came to that, how I was a terrible person for not being the embodiment of strength to tolerate the abandonment I experienced in our relationship. I re-trace so often the catastrophe of our marriage, and ask myself, like this book, how I could have stopped the train of disaster that was bearing down upon me? How could I have saved the life of our marriage? This book seeks an answer to the tragedy of 13 lives lost in the Mann Gulch Fire. I seek the answer to the tragedy of a broken commitment.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Chapter 10: Happiness bicycles and Ice Cream

This chapter, perhaps more than any other chapter touched me. I've often pondered, as Dan does, what is it about the bicycle that has forever captured my love and devotion. I think the conclusion I came to is similar to Dan's: freedom.

I too remember the exhilaration of pedaling away for the first time without falling over. It's a strange thing really. That no matter how long ago it's been since I hopped on my bike, I don't forget how to balance.

A few years ago, I spent almost every day, for an hour or so, on my bicycle. It helped me burn off the intense stress from work and the intense loneliness in my marriage. I came to all sorts of wonderful conclusions atop that bike regarding both problems. Unfortunately, neither situation was resolved and I ended up leaving both. I think the work situation was destined to end, considering the project manager was skill-less in managing people. The marriage...sometimes I wish that I could have brought my "ex" out on a ride. There, maybe he would have caught a glimpse of a very capable young woman who really wanted to share her life with someone.

This coming month, I will be moving to a new place in Lakewood, Colorado. From work to home, door-to-door, is approximately 2 miles. I'm hoping, the 4-6 mile daily commute will give me a renewed sense of freedom. Love the wind in my hair, and the occasional bug in my teeth...hey they're a good source of protein:)

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Chapter 9 Worship: Outdoor Sanctuaries and the Animal Kingdom of God

In this chapter, Dan expounds on his experience with simple, everyday worship that is inspired by his interactions with nature and the simple life he chooses to lead. He compares the impressions he gathered of God as a child in the traditional church, with what he has come to know about God through daily communion without the confines of a sanctuary. What were my impressions of God as a child? I saw God as a being with infinite power. Sometimes he used it for good and sometimes he was a pain in the ass about it. After hearing countless men and women in ministry talk about their "surrender to the call", I seriously thought doing God's will meant finding the thing you least wanted to do, and agreeing to do it for God. I thought I'd have to be a missionary in Africa and never see my family again. I also sadly thought that only men could serve God as ministers, teachers, ushers, and Deacons. God didn't really seem like someone I wanted to get chummy with.

In my adulthood, I am learning that it is acceptable to find God in nature; that it is acceptable to find God riding on my bicycle; that it is acceptable to find him participating in a service project to help sustain the ecosystem of my beautiful county. I guess what I'm learning, as I grow older, is that I am acceptable to God; just as I am. I don't need to fake my growth. Growth will flow naturally as I grow in my relationship with Him.

Finally, Dan lets us in on his gypsy lifestyle in this chapter. I must say he makes traveling the country, living week by week sound very attractive. Painting, meditating, napping, reading, seeing things that others only catch in a few days of vacation once a year. He describes the freedom that I long for. I hope someday to catch that wave, and drive an RV.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Chapter 8: Miracles, Fleabites, and Lightening Strikes

Probably one of my favorite things about this book is the insight into Dan's fascinating life. Considering he is probably the closest I'll ever come to knowing a rock star (though his play style is really more folk than rock), I am interested to know how he came to his present place in life. I already told Lynn that I'm a secret groupie:)

Like Dan, I too have found miracles in my life. Usually find them when I am open to God and I am looking for his hand in the world around me. I am a believer in "You find what you are looking for", even if I am not always a practitioner of this belief. Sometimes, it takes very heavy handed events to help me wake up and stop being cynical; to give in to my naturally idealistic nature, which I feel so vulnerable embracing. The world seems so full of cynics and realists. In an effort to fit in, I sometimes try to see the world through this lens, hoping it will be less disappointing.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Flatirons and the Continental Divide

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How about these?

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Anyone know what these are?

I found these wildflowers on my Green Mountain hike last Thursday. If anyone could guide me as to what these beautiful flowers are, I would love that!
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View of Denver atop Green Mountain

Green Mountain Open space is only minutes from work. I'm currently in the process of exploring how much ground I can cover in a lunch hour.
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Happy Easter!

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The best of the best!

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Another Bowl of Eggs



This bowl was filled with some of my artistic eggs.
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Easter Eggs!



Colored eggs for Easter. I used two different kits, Tye Dye and Marble. This was one of my first times using a kit and I had a lot of fun!
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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Happy Spring!

Green grass, budding trees, tulips in bloom, snow runoff, streams flowing, blue skies, warm sun. Spring!
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Friday, April 13, 2007

Chapter 3: Baptism Wet Hugs and Do-overs

I am in the infancy of understanding that God does not want to destroy my uniqueness as a person. I’m not sure where I got this impression. Perhaps because many people I have encountered in the church, mostly non-ministers, say that their goal is “to be” no more, but instead “to be” all Christ. Statements like these always frightened me, and made me look for the church door. The exit door. I think some were sincerely trying to express their desire to be unselfish, giving, loving, and other attributes that Christ reflected in the Gospel account of his life. On the other hand, others are simply speaking from a place of self-hatred, and would seriously rather “be” no more.

This third chapter of God touches is largely memoir, but some theology. I’m okay with that. Theology is one of my least favorite topics to discuss. I always get the feeling that God is being stuffed into a box somewhere when I hear people arguing theology. Dan takes us from his motivation for “getting saved”, the general climate of do-over baptisms, and how unsure salvation actually feels as a child.

Dan’s motivation for “getting saved” sounds much the same as my own. I was scared to death of going to Hell. I didn’t understand the depth of relationships as an 11-year-old girl. From my experience, I could only understand the legalistic nature of being a Christian. That I should not lie or say “oh my God” or be jealous of others. That I should obey my parents. These were the commandments that I struggled to follow. Because I was such a natural sinner, I had difficultly feeling accepted and loved by God.

The impact of emotions, specifically other’s emotions, had a large effect on the number of times I have been baptized. My first profession of faith and baptism was at the impressionable age of 6. I remember lying in bed with my mother, and telling her something which she interpreted as “I had asked Jesus into my heart”. I could see the joy written all over her face. How could I correct her? So, ironically, I lied about my first salvation experience. To the minister’s credit, he did try to confirm that I had actually said all the right things to Jesus, and that I understood what was going on. I must have been sophisticated enough to convince him. Unfortunately, for most of the rest of my pre-teen years, I believed that I was going to Hell, because I didn’t understand what I had done. Finally, when I was 11 years old, I was allowed a do-over on the prayer of salvation and was re-baptized. This experience did and still does feel more authentic to me. I understood what I was doing when I was 11 years old. At 5 or 6, I just didn’t get it.

Raised in the Southern Baptist church, I was taught to believe that baptism does not equal salvation. I still believe this, in spite of other theology that I have rejected from that faith. To believe otherwise would, in my opinion, nullify the new covenant that Jesus came to deliver. It was not about rituals and laws. It was about love and hope.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Chapter 2: Truth or Dare Lying to Self or Living By Grace

Chapter two of God Touches, finds Dan delving into his own struggle with truth and is more theological than the first chapter. The scripture focus is on the story of the wise man who built his house on the rock, and the fool who built his house in the sand. The point being that rocks are solid and sand is temporal. I guess the Californians who built their houses hanging from cliffs weren't enlightened to this principle before they architectcd their houses on the sides of sliding hillsides:)

Dan starts first with some self-revelation. He calls himself a "compulsive liar" as a child. Considering I am from a family where spanking was an optional punishment, I can relate. I felt like I was a liar for much of my childhood. The best lie I told was to Philip Owens when I was 4-5 years old. My mom babysat Philip in the afternoons. He was a year older than I. For some reason, I told Philip that Disney World was located in the space above heaven. I think I might have said that I had been there. He bought it. I spewed all kinds of wild details, probably because he was listening on the edge of his seat. The next day he came back to my house and said he asked his Dad and Disney World is in Florida. I remember laughing and saying "I know that, silly! Didn't you know I was only kidding?". My rivalry with Philip was partially rooted in the fact that he was a year older and liked to lord that over me. This "competition" led me to receive a Christmas gift of Star Wars themed presents including the Millenium Falcon. Philip had asked for the Millenium Falcon for his birthday, but instead received a measly star fighter. I told him that I would ask for the Millenium Falcon for Christmas and MY parents would buy it for me. Mom and Dad did not let me down. Afterward, I was puzzled over what I should do with the Star Wars stuff. I really wanted a doll.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

God Touches: My thoughts and reflections

Chapter 1: "Creative Writing: Buzz Cuts, Bank Robbers, and the Big Chief"

In this chapter, Dan describes where "it all began..." for him. Just that first sentence alone got me to thinking about where it all began for me. The first grade. I remember writing my first story for the Young Author's Contest in our school. I pretty much plagerized a favorite story of mine about a rabbit, his family, and something about easter. I also remember spinning wild tails about my friend Danny (not the author of this book) getting himself into trouble in our class to my older sister each evening as we lay in bed. I'm not sure whether she believed my stories. She seemed to at the time.

By second grade, I was really developing as an author. I wrote my second Young Author's entry entitled "The Treasure of Being in the North Woods", a 42 page book complete with illustrated pictures on each page. This book was a little more original, as I actually aspired to be a trapper who lived in the north woods when I wrote this book (a factiod I later included in my autobiography in the third grade:). I did rip off complete sections from Jean Craighead George's "My Side of the Mountain", but I garnered a first place prize for this story. During these elementary years of my life, some of my best memories are of writing stories by flashlight in the walk-in closet with my brothers and sister, and reading our creations to one another. I enjoyed hearing their stories as much as I enjoyed writing my own.

In fifth grade, I wrote creative stories to read aloud in class during our creative writing time. My favorite part about this process was hearing the feedback of my classmates and feeling surprised when they laughed at a part that I didn't know was funny or elated when they laughed at the parts I intended to be funny.

In sixth grade, I completed my first novel entitled "Daniel". This story honestly was just a collection of my own personal fantasies. I wanted a dog. The boy in the story gets a dog. I wanted to run away and live in the mountains. The boy in the story runs away with his dog after his parents tragically divorce, and somehow manages to take a bus to the middle-of-no-where Montana and live in the mountains for a week. I was into tragedy. The boy's dog is killed in a battle with a grizzly bear saving his master's life. The boy is tragically maimed. Limping for the rest of my life, along with braces, and glasses were aspirations of mine.

Then came part II, an ill-fated second half to the book. I still think it might have taken first place in the contest, had it not been for part II. Part II was entitled "Twiggy and Me". Twiggy, apperently was the name I had chosen for a second dog, even though I still didn't have a first. This part of the novel, dealt with my fantasty of living in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. I wrote fantastic adventures of treehouses, neighborhood feuds, and a step-brother. I also wanted to be a boy. As a 12 year old tomboy, life looked so much easier and exciting as a boy. No more dresses, wrestling was okay, and boys could spit. That looked like fun. Even though I wanted to be a boy, I most definately was not one. As my sister will attest, I had quite a dating life between fourth and sixth grade. Thankfully, I have outgrown this phase:)

'Kay...back to writing. For several years I put my passion aside, finding life too busy. Around ninth grade, I picked it up again. This time I discovered poetry. As I dealt with a major depressive episode, poetry writing and reading became an outlet. It was also around this time that my good friends, The Nowikowski's, moved to Florida. I spent the next few years entertaining them with my letters. I'm sure they didn't know what hit them when the flood-gate of letters opened wide. At one point, they just confessed that they couldn't keep up, but would happily read. That was good enough for me. My goal was to make them laugh, and it was my great joy to learn that I occasionally succeeded.

My final writing episode in those pre-adult years was a semester of Creative Writing in High School. This was the first time I remember a teacher calling me a "Writer". He didn't even have to be told to know that this was my passion. The detail with which I wrote revealed the intentions of my soul.

Following High School, I attended my first choice college, DePauw Univeristy in Greencastle Indiana. My major: Creative Writing. I felt so lucky to go to that college. I felt like all my years of hard work were finally paying off. It was the tradgedy that I could not afford this university that sent my hopes and dreams spiraling. After many years of believing that I could not be a writer without some high priced degree, I have begun my craft once again over the past 5 years. You can see my effors at lisasroughdrafts.com.

Quotes I can relate to

Norman Maclean is one of my favorite authors for the very reason that I often discover truths about life or myself in the course of reading his works. These sentences really resonate with me:

"The problem of self-identity is not just a problem for the young. It is a problem all the time. Perhaps the problem. It should haunt old age, and when it no longer does it should tell you that you are dead."

"Coming to recognize you are wrong is like coming to recongize you are sick. You feel bad long before you admit you have any symptoms and certainly long before you are willing to take your medicine"



Saturday, April 7, 2007

Red Rocks Amphitheatre


This was the end of my hike for the day. I'm looking west toward Red Rocks Amphitheatre.
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Native Fauna


My mom used to have some of these plants growing on our hillside at my childhood home. Are they Yucca plants? We used to tear the leaves off and open them up. The inside of the leaf is moist. We'd bandage each other up with these, pretending they were medicinal.
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History in Stone

A short history of Green Mountain in stone
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Green Mountain Open Space Hike

Green Mountain Open Space is minutes from my work. I'm so thankful I found a new place to get out and play. I can even ride my mountain bike here.
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Friday, April 6, 2007

Muddy Trinity

Trinity is staying at Jon's house, awaiting her first breeding to Sampson. If I didn't know how much she liked getting dirty, I'd think Jon spray painted my dog! Reminds me of me actually. As a kid, I never could go out to play without coming home with a muddy mess. Thanks for the picture Jon.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Free AKC registered shepherd to a good home (Colorado Only)

A good friend of mine has an AKC registered german shepherd available for adoption for the right home. Kes is a 6 year old female with OFA "good" certified hips and elbows, which basically means that she does not have hip dysplasia or elbow problems. She does have vision loss, but doesn't seem to mind it. She needs a home without other animals, because she won't want to share your affection with another furry creature. I've played with Kes on a number of occasions and she's very snuggly and loving. She even likes to play with her ball. She'd make a great family pet. To inquire about adoption e-mail ccshepherds@cs.com. Tell them a little bit about yourself and how you think Kes would fit into your life. My friend is heart-broken that he has to give her up, but she is not getting along with his other dogs.