Chapter 3: Baptism Wet Hugs and Do-overs

I am in the infancy of understanding that God does not want to destroy my uniqueness as a person. I’m not sure where I got this impression. Perhaps because many people I have encountered in the church, mostly non-ministers, say that their goal is “to be” no more, but instead “to be” all Christ. Statements like these always frightened me, and made me look for the church door. The exit door. I think some were sincerely trying to express their desire to be unselfish, giving, loving, and other attributes that Christ reflected in the Gospel account of his life. On the other hand, others are simply speaking from a place of self-hatred, and would seriously rather “be” no more.

This third chapter of God touches is largely memoir, but some theology. I’m okay with that. Theology is one of my least favorite topics to discuss. I always get the feeling that God is being stuffed into a box somewhere when I hear people arguing theology. Dan takes us from his motivation for “getting saved”, the general climate of do-over baptisms, and how unsure salvation actually feels as a child.

Dan’s motivation for “getting saved” sounds much the same as my own. I was scared to death of going to Hell. I didn’t understand the depth of relationships as an 11-year-old girl. From my experience, I could only understand the legalistic nature of being a Christian. That I should not lie or say “oh my God” or be jealous of others. That I should obey my parents. These were the commandments that I struggled to follow. Because I was such a natural sinner, I had difficultly feeling accepted and loved by God.

The impact of emotions, specifically other’s emotions, had a large effect on the number of times I have been baptized. My first profession of faith and baptism was at the impressionable age of 6. I remember lying in bed with my mother, and telling her something which she interpreted as “I had asked Jesus into my heart”. I could see the joy written all over her face. How could I correct her? So, ironically, I lied about my first salvation experience. To the minister’s credit, he did try to confirm that I had actually said all the right things to Jesus, and that I understood what was going on. I must have been sophisticated enough to convince him. Unfortunately, for most of the rest of my pre-teen years, I believed that I was going to Hell, because I didn’t understand what I had done. Finally, when I was 11 years old, I was allowed a do-over on the prayer of salvation and was re-baptized. This experience did and still does feel more authentic to me. I understood what I was doing when I was 11 years old. At 5 or 6, I just didn’t get it.

Raised in the Southern Baptist church, I was taught to believe that baptism does not equal salvation. I still believe this, in spite of other theology that I have rejected from that faith. To believe otherwise would, in my opinion, nullify the new covenant that Jesus came to deliver. It was not about rituals and laws. It was about love and hope.