Alone

"Look into watery old eyes and see refelected there a past that is impossible to reproduce in this fast and broken-up modern age, an age in which the younger members of the family have struck out on their own to make their fortunes, and ended up living like kings and queens on small, lonely, perfectly landscaped suburban islands" -Roland Merullo, "In Revere, In Those Days"

I live in a fast and broken-up modern age. I methodically go to work in the morning, yearing for the evening. At work I do my best to keep up an enthusiastic facade. Managers love people who look like they are enthusiastic. They love people who look like they'd rather be at work, and tolerate the task of going home. That is not me.

My profession is not a complete fit for me. It is a logical maze of problems, once solved, that only reveal more mazes of problems. It is taxing.

I live far, far away from my family. I live like a queen in that I can pay my bills easily when I am working, and even reward myself with some luxuries. But I live in a condo; my own small, lonely, perfectly landscaped suburban island. I do not have a large circle of friends. I have a large circle of acquaintances. I am beginning to resolve myself to the reality that this may be all I can achieve. At night, after work, I am spent. I have nothing left to give. Maybe if I lived closer to family, maybe life wouldn't seem so lonely.