Mostly Alone

Note to self. Always sign cards in legible hand-writing.

This evening I was sorting through things; planning to clear them out. But instead, I let a whole lot of stuff back in. Graduation cards for instance.

Cards rarely seem meaningful at the time. But given years to marinate in an old box for 10 years, the sincerity or lack thereof become very evident. Cards from ex-family members. Cards from those who used to be "we" but now are "I" as the other has passed on. Several cards from people I can't remember at all. And I have a very dialed in memory for small details. And then there were several cards where I couldn't even decipher the signed name. Very unmemorable.

Then I started through the pictures. Of how I looked when I was 20 and 21 and 22 and engaged and at my bridal show and at my wedding and on my honeymoon and on vacation number "X" to Gatlinburg. How young my brother and my sister and my mom and my Dad and all of us looked. How much we must have thought we had aged at the time. But dang we all looked so good.

Then I go through my current pictures. The last seven years or so. There aren't as many. They aren't as varied. And I find that I am pictured mostly alone. Or I am not pictured at all. I have a bazillion pictures of German Shepherds. I have many pictures of other people. I have a smattering of pictures of me with my family. And then I have me in Waterton Canyon. Or me in Alaska standing on a staircase. Or me next to the river in Breckenridge. Or me with Trinity at the Hayman Burn area (pictured).

But I want pictures of me in Glenwood Springs. I want to see me standing next to the river flowing through the canyon near Moab. I want to see me in Arches with the sunset glowing on my face. I want to see me sitting on the edge of the canyon in Canyonlands. I want to see me dating someone. I want to see me standing in the picture with the man I am dating. Asking someone else to take the picture.

I want to see us going places. Yes...this picture was with such and such friends. Oh that picture was when we used to hang out with so and so. This is a picture of us at our wedding in Rocky Mountain National Park, with the wild falls rushing behind us. And this picture is of our families having a good time at our reception. Something simple. Here is my husband and I on our honeymoon. Pick something romantic and spectacular for those shots. Here we are at year 1. Year 2. Year 3. This is a picture of our first child being born. His third birthday. Our Sixth wedding anniversary. Now that would be a great picture.