I am beginning to get a clearer picture of how I want to have a relationship in the future --- what I might be looking for. That was not clear to me after a failed marriage and an important relationship break up.
John and Mary have been on the periphery of my life for many years now. I met them in 2013 after a volunteer experience at Marble Retreat Center in Marble, CO. On my way home I stopped in Carbondale, Colorado at their request, to meet with them and provide feedback on their newly adopted German Shepherd puppy. We visited for some time on their front lawn and there was talk of staying in touch and potentially help with training or house/pet-sitting. We exchanged emails, became FaceBook friends, and kept in very loose contact over the years.
In 2016, I took a trip to Glenwood Springs with my boyfriend at the time. He ended up having a medical emergency within the first 24 hours, and I found myself with him in a hospital ICU, alone and many hours from home. We had planned to meet up with John and Mary for dinner the following evening, so when I reached out to let them know of the "medical emergency" news, their response was incredible to me. First, they wanted to come up to the hospital to sit with me. And second, they wanted to have me up to their house for dinner and to stay over, instead of staying in a hotel by myself. Both responses were so kind and thoughtful, I was beyond impressed.
in 2018, I reconnected with John and Mary for a meaningful weekend at their home in Carbondale, Colorado. I was invited over to ski, even though I was a beginner and they were not. In spite of their previous kindness toward me, I did not have overly high expectations for the weekend. My plan was to ski, have a pleasant visit, and hopefully earn a gig pet-sitting for their now 6 year old German Shepherd, at both their Carbondale and Fort Lauderdale homes. This would allow me to indulge in a favorite activity of mine: travel. I had such a good time with them during the 2 days/2 nights I stayed. I was struck by the feeling at the end of the weekend that I would miss them. I felt like I had been in the presence of family, and that was such a strange feeling for me in Colorado, where I have had no family for 19 years.
The three of us kept in touch over the next month, and I was invited to their home in Florida for a visit. In retrospect, I'm not sure the exact reason for the invitation, but I was developing a friendship with Mary and there were plans for me to watch their dog in the summer months. It's an incredible experience to be in the presence of long-term married people when you, yourself, are not married. Many times, you are not invited "in" to experience this. Over that weekend I saw a love between these two that had miles on it. They were thoughtful with one another, enjoyed shared activities, and they served one another --- not in weird ways though...in practical ways that just develop when you have mutual respect and consideration for one another.
I visited with John and Mary several more times over the ensuing summer and fall months, and had more opportunity to get to know them. They communicated with one another. A lot. One morning I just sat on my bed in the guest room and listened to them talk downstairs. They communicated priorities for the day, what was happening with friends back in Florida, and other mundane things. Mary loves to cook and keeps the house spotless, which I think is really important to John. They each had their own activities, which they participated in, while checking in with each other throughout the day.
John and Mary do not have kids. Mary said to me early on in our friendship that they could be like family to me while they are here in Colorado. The "feeling of family" is something that I did not even know I was missing until I felt it. John has become a mentor and father-figure to me since that first summer I got to know him. The way he cares for me has helped me to understand what my Father in heaven is like (but that is a different blog post). We do not have an official "adoption" since I am an adult, but he calls me his Daughter and I call him Dad. Through my father/daughter relationship with him, I have further developed what I am looking for in my next important relationship. Through my friendship with Mary, I have come to understand how serving your husband and those around you is important in a mature relationship.
Physical attraction for whoever is my future husband is important. But I also want to feel mutual respect, admiration, and that he is considerate of me. Travel is important to me, but a desire to build a home together, now that I remember what one feels like, is also a important. The feeling that "we" are one another's home. Mutual trust, respect, and admiration allow me to feel safe and to be myself. Those attributes all translate into love for me. I think if I can find an available man, in this wide-world, who reflects those qualities (integrity really), that I will find my soul-mate and my husband.
Being in the presence of mature friends, helped me develop many of these ideas. They were kind of an accidental discovery, but I feel like it was divine, too.
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