Living in the Now: 9/11//2012

The past few weeks have been very high peaks followed by prolonged lows.  I am searching for purpose.

I feel like the past 6 years of my life have been exciting.  A lot of change has always surrounded me.  Relationships ended and new ones began.  There were constant new employment opportunities, three moves, and a cycle of life and death.  This kept me very busy.  It kept me from any sort of thought of plans my life.  In some ways, I think a plan for life is boring.  Plans never work out anyhow.  But now that I've been employed for a year and a half, I find myself planning.

And I hate it.  It's me in some ways, and in others it is not.  I am generally a cautious person who likes to live on less, so that I can hopefully have more in the times of unemployment that I have come to expect.  But now that I do not "expect" the unemployment, now I see myself looking long term.  How quickly can I pay off my house?  How quickly can I pay off my car?  If I work for the next 3 years, then my car will be paid off.  In 3 more years I can potentially pay off $12,000 of mortgage debt. 

But how will I feel in 3 years after spending that time in an un-ulfilling job.  Life is about time.  Not setting yourself up for the perfect retirement.  Then again, what if retirement is not enjoyable or non-existent because of a lack of planning.  It is a double-edged sword.


One thing in my plan that is certain:  I do not intend to be alone.  This has really been bothering me lately. 

But if I were to live for today, this is what I would remember.

1.) A friend of mine paid me a compliment.  He told me that I articulate my feelings really well.  I have felt so inept at understanding my feelings, I guess I didn't recognize that I can at least communicate what they are.  That in itself is a first step, I believe, toward moving forward.

2.) Still re-living Kahlan's win from Sunday.  I am also envisioning Loki as a champion.  l imagined that we won  in his first show.

3.) Kahlan fell asleep in my arms.  She doesn't do this every day.  Normally she snuggles for a bit, and just as I am enjoying it...she becomes uncomfortable and crawls off the bed.  Not last night.

Enjoying an every day experience:

This one is hard.  I guess falling asleep with the dogs at night.  That is of course a ritual. 

Golden Gate Canyon State Park

Went hiking up in Golden Gate Canyon State Park on Sunday. We hiked a 4 mile trail up to Lost Valley trail. The main objective was to view wildflowers, exercise the dogs, exercise the people, and explore some of the beautiful country near my home.

Trinity and Mira were excellent hiking companions. For the most part, they listened very well. Both enjoyed sniffing around off trail, racing each other around the lake, chewing on some snacks that I brought along for them, and taking a dip in the pond. I think they also enjoyed hanging out with their people:)

Alas, the long awaited view of the homestead. Since the hike is approximately 4 miles in and out, I can only assume that the lake and cabin are 2 miles from the trail head. We hung out for probably 2 hours around the lake enjoying the quiet, the occasional visitors that stopped in, lunch on the front porch, and the beautiful wildflowers which were still blooming. Storms circled during late morning, but didn't materialize until afternoon...which was about the time we left the cabin. We were chased over the mountain top by thunder, lightening, and a few raindrops, but made it back to the truck before the storm arrived. Whew!

What sort of animal print do you think this is? It's larger than my german shepherds' paws. I don't think there are any wolves in the vicinity. I like to think it was some sort of dramatic animal like a bear or a mountain lion, but I really have no idea. Hmmmm...