Last week this time...

 I learned this mind-set growing up.  Last year this time, we were in Gatlinburg.  Or last month at this time, my cousin Holly was still here for the summer.  I realized today that I haven't played this game yet with Trinity and her life.  I've been so caught up in her loss, that I forgot.  I'm glad I forgot.  But what the heck.

Last week at this time, I was deluding myself with her health.  A week ago Tuesday, she had a seizure.  I came home and she didn't come out of the bedroom.  That was not abnormal, so I didn't panic.  Then I heard a whimper come from the bedroom.  It's the only whimper I've ever heard her make.  I found her on my bedroom floor, having a seizure.  She had pee'd on the carpet.  I moved her away from it, so she wouldn't lay it.  Then she didn't get up.  She didn't get up for 3 hours.  I called Jon and told him he would probably have to come to my house in the morning and carry her to my car for me.  I laid down next to her a lot and cried.  I begged her to get up.  I told her if she wanted to live, then she needed to get up.  I went to bed late, and shortly thereafter, she stood up and walked.  I was thrilled.  Beyond words.

So let's continue the game.  A month ago, she was not my Trinity at all.  Even further away from the one I said good-bye to on Saturday.  Something had gone wrong with the medicine or her brain.  She wouldn't look at me.  I felt like I had lost her already. 

Two months ago, she was in a semi-normal state, after her "trinity" of seizures.  She was shaking my hand, licking me in the face (with horrible breath), jumping up on the bed, and walking okay.  She wasn't normal, but she wasn't too far off.  I could live with the new Trinity she had become.

Three months ago, I believe, she had her first seizure.  Jon and I think it was a heat stroke.  She had it on one of the hottest days of the summer.  I was so relieved to hear he had stopped it.  I was in Alaska on a cruise.

Four months ago, she was my Trinity!  I think Kahlan may have been living with us still.  She and Kahlan played very well together.  I was extremely impressed with how gentle she was with her daughter.  She would wrestle with Kahlan, sometimes knocking her down and sometimes allowing herself to be turned over on her back.  Kahlan was fairly serious about the whole thing, but Trinity only gently bit at her legs and mouthed her neck.

Five months ago....

Six months ago she was going to bite Tessa.  I was so angry with her.  I made her pay for that.  She ruined Tessa's show career by putting a notch in her ear.  She wasn't allow to go to Jon's for three weeks, which meant she got very little exercise.  I feel so terrible over that.  It was my fault for not holding the leash tight enough.  It was my fault that she could lunge at all.  It was her hormone's fault for causing her to lash out in aggression.  Her hormone's were all over the place from the spay.

Seven months ago, she had just been spayed.  I spayed her because I didn't want to take the chance that she would develop a life-threatening uteran infection.  I didn't want her to have anymore puppies, because she wasn't the best with child birth and had developed a mammary gland infection with her last litter.  I also hated the bleeding in the house when she was in season.  I think the spay was too hard on her.  I'll never spay an older female again.  I'll take the chance on the infection and deal with it the best I can.  She was never the same after the spay.  Her coat became overly thick and she couldn't blow it.  Her emotions were all over the place.  Really laid back, then suddenly aggressive.  She wasn't the same.  I liked her personality just fine before. 

Eight months ago, her last litter of puppies were going home.  I was in San Diego.  I desperately wanted the long haired puppy, but I wanted a show puppy too.  I miss Bella, but I am glad she has a perfect home in Boulder.  I wish I could move in :)

Nine months ago, it was the new year.  I had just returned from Christmas in Ohio.  We didn't spend her last Christmas together.  But we did spend New Years :)

Ten months ago, Trinity was almost ready to have her last litter of puppies.  It was her easiest litter to birth and her first litter with Ronin.  He was the first dog to breed her naturally.  The whole thing was natural.  I loved it.  Every moment of it.  Each and every one of those puppies were special to the core.

Eleven months ago, she was getting ready to turn six.  I was panicking.  I felt like she was getting old and I couldn't imagine my life without her.  At first I counted wrong and thought she was getting ready to turn seven.  I was relieved when I realized she would only be six.  I would have at least four to five good years with her.  I hoped she would live to be thirteen or fourteen.  One of those lucky few. Because then I would have as many years left as I had already spent with her.

Twelve months ago, she was bred naturally for the first time.  What a long ways we've come.